He feels horny so he scrolls through his BBM contacts to see what he can find.
She updates her status to ‘Bored’.
He messages her and tells her to come round.
She reads it but doesn’t reply straight away.
He gets annoyed that she hasn’t replied and sends her a PING!!! He is really impatient.
She replies explaining how she was on the phone to her girl.
She wasn’t lying. She called her girl to ask her opinion on whether or not it’s a good idea to go to his house again.
He needs to know whether she’s coming or not so he knows whether he should start persuading other girls to come round.
She agrees to go but says ‘I’ll come but we’re not having sex this time’
He print screens the conversation and sends it to his best friend. He then tells his best friend ‘I bet u I will end up fucking her loool’
She print screens the conversation and sends it to her best friend and says ‘I’ve told him we won’t have sex so I know he won’t try it’
He jumps in the shower.
She jumps in the shower.
He stays in his towel. He knows his clothes are coming off anyway.
She is getting ready, she is paying more attention to her vagina than she usually does. Cleaning it for that extra 5 minutes and shaving again although she shaved just 3 days ago.
I thought she wasn’t going to have sex with him?
He asks her what she would like for him to order to eat.
She says she has just eaten and she’s fine.
He puts some clothes on as he is cold.
She puts her jacket on.
He messages her to ask where she is.
She says she is in the cab.
She messages him to say she is downstairs.
He changes his BBM status to ‘Busy’.
He offers her a drink.
She asks him what drinks he has.
He puts in a film.
She lies on his chest.
He is looking at the screen but not watching the film.
She is looking at the screen but not watching the film.
He is thinking how to move in.
She knows he is thinking how to move in.
He tries to kiss her.
She moves her face.
He kisses her neck.
She doesn’t physically stop him but she is telling him to stop.
He messages his best friend and says ‘I told you I would beat looool’
She messages her best friend and says ‘I did it again :(‘
For the first time I’m writing a blog with someone else. Who better to write one with than Eddie aka Edward aka Kwabena aka Kobi aka Scrappy aka Sexy Old Fool aka Blazin aka Blazin Blax aka B-Mills aka Shotokhan aka @Mr_Bmills (his Twitter name).
This morning at approximately at 7.04am I rang Eddie to converse about the general struggles of life whilst I was getting ready for work.
After discussing the current state of the music industry for a while we started to discuss our current love life’s… well Eddies love life and my promiscuity.
Eddie is considerably happy in his 3 year relationship and I am content with my single lifestyle… well so I think I am.
Although we’re close and share many interests, our values when it comes to relationships contrast with each other extremely. (Check out some of Eddie’s views here)
Edward and I often engage in a tennis match-like conversation whilst going back and forth with comments like ‘Sometimes I wish I was in your relationship’ and he often counter-acts it by saying something along the lines of ‘I wish I could live life stress free like you do.’
I find it crazy how Eddie and I are content with our current situations but at the same time envy each others situations.
So we thought we would use our imagination to help each other trade places and describe to each other the pros and cons of our situations are.
Eddie said to me:
Being in a relationship has it’s ups and downs that can have your emotions feeling as if they’ve tested out every ride in Thorpe Park. When it’s up it is better than my mothers Banku, Tilapia, smoke fish, pepper with a side serving of Shito accompanied with a complimentary bottle of Muscatella on the side. But when it’s down it can have you feeling like it’s the end of the world. Sometimes I feel like I can’t deal with the stresses of a relationship and I often wonder what it would be like in your size 7s.
I said to Eddie:
This single life isn’t all it’s cut out to be. Having nobody to share your double bed with, nobody waiting for you when you get back from a long day at work and nobody that is always there when you need them.
I love my care-free lifestyle as much as I hate it.
I envy your relationship. 3 years. One girl.
I actually feel jealous when I see you two together holding hands but I cover it up by advertising this single lifestyle that’s not even all that. False advertisement I guess.
Eddie then asked:
You must enjoy all the attention you receive from females and you definitely must enjoy being able to sleep with who you want without having any strings attached. Right?
I then replied:
Again, I envy you. I remember you telling me how sex with the person you love is on a whole different level to having sex with just ‘any girl’.
I haven’t even come close to this whole ‘Making Love with Love’ thing. You’ve told me that sex to you is a form of intimate bonding. All these years I have just seen sex as sex.
Sex is 100% better with love but being in a relationship still puts me in a position where I’m in constant fear that my relationship could crash. Not that things in my relationship are bad or anything but I look around me and see couples breaking up left right and centre. None of my friends parents are together. My aunts and uncles are separated. I only know two people in my age group that have been in a longer relationship than I have.
I bet you as a single man has no fear that the best thing in your life could potentially end.
That’s only because I have no best thing *sad face*.
I feel like a moist wasteman
I feel like Drake
Anywaaaaay watch this sicccck porn video I wanked to yesterday www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1061586361
KMT I’ve wanked to this one already man!!
A few weeks back I promised my home girl Michelle that I would take her to the cinema to watch that Justin Timberland (as Mum says) film ‘Friends With Benefits’. I kind of flopped her and then tried making it up to her by inviting her round to watch it on my laptop, but the copy was poor. She wasn’t impressed. So that day we ended up doing something else.
I finally managed to get a good copy from Ming Xaio Leng Pei (The Chinese man that sells DVDs in my barbershop).
Oh and ‘Ming Xaio Leng Pei’ isn’t actually his name - he just looks like one.
Anywaaay, Michelle and I watched the film and it made me think.
Can friends with benefits really work?
They say there are two types of people…
Type 1: The person that yearns for the married lifestyle. The person that loves the commitment of a true relationship. The person that is happy to look after someone else. The person that loves love.
Type 2: The person that claims they’re just having ‘fun’. The person that is trying to get as many conquests under their belt so they can brag to all their friends. The person who claims they’re a player until someone comes and changes them. It never happens.
But what about the person in-between the two?
The majority of my male AND female friends are somewhat the ‘in-betweeners’.
Okay, if you’re confused as to what an ‘in-betweener’ is let me break it down…
There are people that want to go out and ‘sleep’ with someone without the headache that relationships bring and at the same time they may not want to go round sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Fanny.
Where do they stand? Are they supposed to just not have sex? Should they just Maths Debate?
This is where your Friends With a Benefit comes in handy, kind of like one of the lifelines on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.
Imagine how great life would be if every time you didn’t have an answer to something you could just choose the option to
Bone Phone a Friend?
Just to clear things up before we go further, there is a huge difference between a fxck buddy and a Friend With Benefit.
Fxck buddies are people used for sex. You sleep with them, they leave, that is all there is to it. You don’t care about their Mum, you don’t care about how their day was, and you don’t care about anything except “are you coming over and do you have a way to get home before the morning!?”
So now that we’ve cleared up that common misconception. Let me briefly explain why I like the whole Friends With Benefits concept.
The keyword in ‘Friends With Benefits’ is not the ‘Benefit’ part. It’s the ‘friend’. You care about this person, you open up to this person and you can depend on this person. You call them to see how their day was, you lend them money and you may even call them for advice on another person you may currently fancy. The only thing that separates this person from the rest of your mates is mind blowing SEX!!
Anyway my room mate wants me to help him assemble some silly new table for our flat.
So I’m going to cut this short but the moral of story is Friends With Benefits are not as bad as they are made out to be. Just use a condom and everything will be fine.
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!