As I mature and grow into a ‘good man’, I have moments of reflection in which I reflect back on past encounters I’ve had with girls and I constantly wish I handled every situation differently. But the other night I realised something. I’ve learned/learning how to grow into a better man by not being the better man I should have been in the life of a girl I was with previously. It sounds real silly and extremely bad, but through my shit behaviour towards girls in the past, I gradually learned how to be a better man for the next girls I had encounters with.
I’ve learned more from girls that have ditched me when I fucked up than from the girls that didn’t ditch me and allowed me to continue fucking up. This is a primary reason why I tend to advise my lady friends to leave their dudes that fall short of their expectations. This is not just because I believe girls (and obviously people in general) should never settle for anything less than what they deserve, but because as a man myself I know for a fact that we men must want to change for ourselves long before we can change for a girl.
To the girls reading this, I have two questions…
- A guy who was once a scumbag (cheater, for example), will he always be a scumbag?
-As a woman, do you care about how your boyfriend/husband treated other women or do you only care about the way he treats you?
I’m 100% sure that there are married men out there who treat their wives like Queens but at the same time have women in their pasts that will always see them as ‘scumbags’ regardless of the adjustments they have made to their lives. Take Wiz Khalifa for example, he claims Amber Rose was the catylst that sparked the change in him. I’m pretty sure Amber’s opinions of Wiz would be completely different to Wiz’s women of the past.
I believe that social conditioning has the majority of girls wanting to be in a relationship. The same pressure whether it is positive or negative, isn’t as heavy on the shoulders of young guys. Maybe this is the reason most girls prepare themselves to be ‘wifey-material’ quicker than dudes ready themselves to become ‘hubby-material’. I’m not saying us men will never be ready to commit one day, I just think it takes the average man longer to arrive there than the average woman.
So whilst we are becoming ‘hubby-material’, is it fair to label us ‘bad men’ even if it is helping us on our way to become ‘good men’?
It’s a shame girls can’t click their fingers to change a guy from player to commitment. It’s an even bigger shame she can’t be the girl that inspires him to change. It’s not a shame though if you choose to stick around a guy that is becoming when you’re looking for a guy that has already become.
Girls want a good dude in their life - and they all deserve one – but I don’t think they care to know how he got there. I totally understand girls do not want to be the one that meets a man along the road to becoming a good man. It’s always more ideal to be the woman who meets him after he has already reached his destination. But as the saying goes, ‘even the road to hell is paved with good intentions’ or in my case… 'the road to heaven is paved with bad intentions.'
One of my home-girls called me today and seemed perplexed as to why some dude was harassing her one minute and as soon as he gave her the dope dick he no longer seemed interested. I was so engaged in my Football Manager game that I told her I would give her my advice via my blog later on this evening. So here it is….
For some reason, you women can’t figure out why a guy you got yourself involved with and ultimately became intimate with, all of a sudden has stopped paying you a million pounds worth of attention.
A few weeks ago he seemed like a permanent fixture in your life. When he was pursuing you, he responded to all your BBM messages immediately. Regardless of what he was doing he was always available to you whenever you called him. He was always offering to take you out to fancy places. He even offered to buy you things.
Now, he is suddenly too busy to answer your calls. It takes him longer than it should to respond to your messages and he no longer calls you to take you out to a fancy restaurant, he just calls you to invite you over to his place……late at night.
I totally understand why a woman would get pissed off with this. How dare us guys lead you women to the point where you think a 'relationship' may materialise and then all of a sudden we just abruptly disappear leaving no trace but sheer disappointment.
Part of the problem is the difference in what both parties are trying to achieve. The best way for me to explain it is this. In everyday life you set goals and once you achieve them you move on to the next one. If you haven’t achieved them you keep trying until you do or until you realise the goal you set may be unrealistic to attain. It’s the same with male & female’s intentions towards each other.
A guy’s goal is usually to demolish your vagina and your goal is to achieve some sort of serious relationship. The problem occurs when you allow the guy to achieve his goal before you achieve yours. Once he has achieved his goal he is now satisfied enough to go off and
shag other women set other goals, meanwhile your goal still hasn’t been fulfilled and you’re wondering why he is ignoring you and no form of relationship or bond has been formed.
To be honest, once your fanny has been given up and you are the latest conquest he has under his belt there isn’t much you can do to try change the tide. The initial pursuit stage is over and he has used you for all he thinks you are worth. But this is the point, somehow you must show him that you aren’t just a vagina and there’s more to you that he needs to see.
So here is what you do…
If you make it obvious that you are emotionally affected by him ignoring you then you are making the situation worse, he will just run further from you. Give him space. Don’t ring his phone any more than you usually would and don’t start conversation any more than you usually would. But when he is in the mood and he calls you late at night so he can continue to sleep with you, only do it when it is convenient to you.
The mistake you women love to make is when you decide to no longer have sex with a guy you go and make it extremely obvious that it is a decision that you have made as a result of a thought. Please stop doing this.
I advise you to be clever & tactical about getting him to do what you want him to do. Never be available when he wants to come over. If he wants to pop round for a quick sperm release, tell him that you are doing
someone something else but he can come round a few nights later if he wants. Now you have control. When he wants you to go over to his place so you can wash his willy with your mouth, be forceful and tell him you are bored of being indoors all the time and that you want to go out to a specific place. Tell him you will pay if you have to. Take control of the situation and place him in locations where he has no choice but to hear you out & get to know you.
Never give him the impression that you are so obsessed with his company and hooked on his dick that you are like his dog on a leash.
I hope this was useful to you my love, but I am begging you next time please don’t give up your kitten too soon.
Sait ‘PeeWee’ Cham