As I mature and grow into a ‘good man’, I have moments of reflection in which I reflect back on past encounters I’ve had with girls and I constantly wish I handled every situation differently. But the other night I realised something. I’ve learned/learning how to grow into a better man by not being the better man I should have been in the life of a girl I was with previously. It sounds real silly and extremely bad, but through my shit behaviour towards girls in the past, I gradually learned how to be a better man for the next girls I had encounters with.
I’ve learned more from girls that have ditched me when I fucked up than from the girls that didn’t ditch me and allowed me to continue fucking up. This is a primary reason why I tend to advise my lady friends to leave their dudes that fall short of their expectations. This is not just because I believe girls (and obviously people in general) should never settle for anything less than what they deserve, but because as a man myself I know for a fact that we men must want to change for ourselves long before we can change for a girl.
To the girls reading this, I have two questions…
- A guy who was once a scumbag (cheater, for example), will he always be a scumbag?
-As a woman, do you care about how your boyfriend/husband treated other women or do you only care about the way he treats you?
I’m 100% sure that there are married men out there who treat their wives like Queens but at the same time have women in their pasts that will always see them as ‘scumbags’ regardless of the adjustments they have made to their lives. Take Wiz Khalifa for example, he claims Amber Rose was the catylst that sparked the change in him. I’m pretty sure Amber’s opinions of Wiz would be completely different to Wiz’s women of the past.
I believe that social conditioning has the majority of girls wanting to be in a relationship. The same pressure whether it is positive or negative, isn’t as heavy on the shoulders of young guys. Maybe this is the reason most girls prepare themselves to be ‘wifey-material’ quicker than dudes ready themselves to become ‘hubby-material’. I’m not saying us men will never be ready to commit one day, I just think it takes the average man longer to arrive there than the average woman.
So whilst we are becoming ‘hubby-material’, is it fair to label us ‘bad men’ even if it is helping us on our way to become ‘good men’?
It’s a shame girls can’t click their fingers to change a guy from player to commitment. It’s an even bigger shame she can’t be the girl that inspires him to change. It’s not a shame though if you choose to stick around a guy that is becoming when you’re looking for a guy that has already become.
Girls want a good dude in their life - and they all deserve one – but I don’t think they care to know how he got there. I totally understand girls do not want to be the one that meets a man along the road to becoming a good man. It’s always more ideal to be the woman who meets him after he has already reached his destination. But as the saying goes, ‘even the road to hell is paved with good intentions’ or in my case… 'the road to heaven is paved with bad intentions.'
A few weeks back I promised my home girl Michelle that I would take her to the cinema to watch that Justin Timberland (as Mum says) film ‘Friends With Benefits’. I kind of flopped her and then tried making it up to her by inviting her round to watch it on my laptop, but the copy was poor. She wasn’t impressed. So that day we ended up doing something else.
I finally managed to get a good copy from Ming Xaio Leng Pei (The Chinese man that sells DVDs in my barbershop).
Oh and ‘Ming Xaio Leng Pei’ isn’t actually his name - he just looks like one.
Anywaaay, Michelle and I watched the film and it made me think.
Can friends with benefits really work?
They say there are two types of people…
Type 1: The person that yearns for the married lifestyle. The person that loves the commitment of a true relationship. The person that is happy to look after someone else. The person that loves love.
Type 2: The person that claims they’re just having ‘fun’. The person that is trying to get as many conquests under their belt so they can brag to all their friends. The person who claims they’re a player until someone comes and changes them. It never happens.
But what about the person in-between the two?
The majority of my male AND female friends are somewhat the ‘in-betweeners’.
Okay, if you’re confused as to what an ‘in-betweener’ is let me break it down…
There are people that want to go out and ‘sleep’ with someone without the headache that relationships bring and at the same time they may not want to go round sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Fanny.
Where do they stand? Are they supposed to just not have sex? Should they just Maths Debate?
This is where your Friends With a Benefit comes in handy, kind of like one of the lifelines on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.
Imagine how great life would be if every time you didn’t have an answer to something you could just choose the option to
Bone Phone a Friend?
Just to clear things up before we go further, there is a huge difference between a fxck buddy and a Friend With Benefit.
Fxck buddies are people used for sex. You sleep with them, they leave, that is all there is to it. You don’t care about their Mum, you don’t care about how their day was, and you don’t care about anything except “are you coming over and do you have a way to get home before the morning!?”
So now that we’ve cleared up that common misconception. Let me briefly explain why I like the whole Friends With Benefits concept.
The keyword in ‘Friends With Benefits’ is not the ‘Benefit’ part. It’s the ‘friend’. You care about this person, you open up to this person and you can depend on this person. You call them to see how their day was, you lend them money and you may even call them for advice on another person you may currently fancy. The only thing that separates this person from the rest of your mates is mind blowing SEX!!
Anyway my room mate wants me to help him assemble some silly new table for our flat.
So I’m going to cut this short but the moral of story is Friends With Benefits are not as bad as they are made out to be. Just use a condom and everything will be fine.
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!